Questions and Smart answers

Teacher: What do you call a Bee that live in America?
Student:  USB
Teacher to students.. Pls pay attention..
Student: How much sir?
Teacher: If corn oil is madefrom corn & vegetable oil ismade from vegetables. Wat is baby oil made from?
Student: Babies
Teacher: How do we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home
Husband to wife: how do i get money to buy ram for sallah
Wife: take your laptop to the computer village and remove the RAM
lol

MKHIZE and SITHOLE

MKHIZE: I want my money now,

SITHOLE: I'll kill myself to be free from you and he immediately he pulled a gun and shot himself dead.

MKHIZE: hahaha.....! If you think you will get away with my money you are wrong, I'll follow you until you pay me, he said this as he took the gun and shot himself dead as well.

NGCOBO: was watching from a distance, he laughed and said "these guys are funny, I want to watch this quarrel till the end, so he also took the gun and killed himself also.

"SO IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT,YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO"..

5 died in a car accident

 The Headlines News read: 5 died in a car accident!

The following day, in a classroom a teacher asks Bruno to count from 0 to 10

Bruno: 0   1   2   3   4   6   7   8   9   10

Teacher: Where is 5?

Bruno:  Yesterday I heard on the news that 5 died in a car accident.

LMAO...... 

What is Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy

Watching what you Eat

For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently  what kills you.

WHY PARENTS DRINK

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.  We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card.  That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home

JUST BEEN NUTTY

During office time, employees of a particular company are all worried. Some are in loud discussions.......
A new trainee that have just joined the company enquired from a senior employee what was going on. And the the following conversation followed:

TRAINEE:                   What's going on?

SENIOR EMPLOYEE: Terrorist have kidnapped our boss. They are asking for a million dollars randsom,
                                      otherwise they will douse him with petrol and set him on fire!

TRAINEE:                    What are we going to do?

SENIOR EMPLOYEE: We are going from desk to desk taking up a collection.

TRAINEE:                    So, how much is everyone giving, on average?
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
                                                                                .
SENIOR EMPLOYEE:         ABOUT 1 LITRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!